If you don’t talk about what you want or need with sex, how can you ever expect to get what you want or need?
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“Intimacy is about sharing something with your spouse that you don’t share with anybody else. It’s letting him in. It’s laughing together. And it’s also feeling that deep hunger for each other!”
― Sheila Wray Gregoire, Nine Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriage: Because a Great Relationship Doesn’t Happen by Accident
If you are a couple who feels completely comfortable and open to talking about sex with your partner, then you are one of the very lucky ones! Most couples find that talking about sex can be intimidating and scary. Think about it this way — if you don’t talk about what you need and want how will you ever get what you need and want?
Have you thought about why you don’t want to talk about sex with your partner? Why it scares you? Why it makes you feel uncomfortable?
Was it something that was never talked about in your family? Are you scared that your partner will reject your wants and needs? Are you nervous about being judged? Do you think you will sound stupid or cause tension in your relationship? Have you had negative experiences? Whatever it is, it is okay!
Learning to talk about sex can make you feel strong and show you have you have a voice in your relationship and that how you feel matters. YOUR FEELINGS MATTER. YOUR WANTS MATTER. YOUR NEEDS MATTER. I promise, that once you start that initial conversation, everything else will fall into place. You might even realize that once you start that conversation… you may never stop talking about it (but that’s a good thing!)
5 reasons and tips why talking about sex is so important:
1. It helps you and your partner be more in sync when it comes to sex
Talking about all your wants and needs can help you and your partner connect. You will feel heard and loved. It will help you better understand the small (or big) things your partners likes or even the things they may not like. It will give your partner to learn new things you want to try or even learn about the things you have tried and don’t really like. It will help you feel more connected and if you have a better connection – you will have a better sex life. Trust me!
2. Being able to talk about sex and being open about it with your partner could also improve your communication about things outside of the bedroom too
Talking about things you need inside the bedroom can also lead to things you need outside the bedroom. My husband and I were talking one night about how I was feeling a little less appreciated lately. I expressed how I felt I needed more non-sexual intimacy in the bedroom and what I meant. He completely understood and it brought us even closer together which made us even more connected in the bedroom.
3. Try asking what sex means to your partner and express what it means to you
Sex means something different to everyone. Just because you and your partner have sex, does not mean it means the same thing to the both of you. Explain what it means to you. Let your partner explain it to you and really listen to each other and talk about it. Deeply. Do not make them feel uncomfortable with what sex means to them just because you feel it should mean something different.
4. Pick the right time to have a sex-related discussion
Finding the right time to have the real, deep open talk about sex is key! Are you going to want to have it while you are making dinner? Or while you lay in bed with each other? Do you want to talk about it before starting the day or right before the day ends? Wherever and whenever you and your partner feel comfortable is when that conversation will be the best and most productive.
5. Try speaking with your body
Maybe you and your partners always want a different rhythm? Do you need more slow and soft or do you want more excitement and passion? Are you too nervous to talk about it? Use your body language to really show what direction you want to take. Use your hands to slow things down or kiss slower. There are so many things that can be said just by using simple touches and by using your body.
There you have it! 5 reasons and tips to help you talk to your partner about sex. It is 100% worth having and completely necessary in a open and healthy relationship. Once you start the conversation, it will get easier. Starting is always the hard part, but, it will help your relationship completely change.
Just think about it this way: Couples who talk about sex have better sex. That sentence is completely true! You have to be able to talk about sex with your partner and really show your vulnerability and show how much it means to you. Your partner needs to be able to do the same. How can you connect with someone on such a deep and meaningful way if you haven’t even talked about how either of you want to connect or need the connection?
What do you find that helps you and your partner talk about sex? Have you found these helpful?
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Want more about love? Check out the post my husband and I wrote about our 7 keys to a happy & healthy relationship!